Simply Dustin Hoffman

 The Graduate (As Ben)

Mrs. Robinson: Do you find me undesirable? 
 Ben: Oh no, Mrs. Robinson. I think, I think you're the most attractive of all my parents' friends. I mean that.

 Ben: Mrs. Robinson, if you don't mind my saying so, this conversation is getting a little strange.

 Ben: Elaine! Elaine! Elaine! Elaine"

 Mr. McGuire: I want to say one word to you. Just one word. 
 Ben: Yes, sir.
 Mr. McGuire Are you listening?
 Ben: Yes, I am. 
 Mr. McGuire: Plastics.
 Ben: Just how do you mean that, sir?

 Ben: Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. 
 Mrs. Robinson: [laughs] 
 Ben: Aren't you?

 Ben: We thought you said by the monkey house.

 Ben: Look, maybe we could do something else together. Mrs. Robinson, would you like to go to a movie?"

 Ben: Listen to me. What happened between Mrs. Robinson and me was nothing. It didn't mean anything. We might just as well have been shaking hands."                             Mr. Robinson: Shaking hands? Well, that's not saying much for my wife, is it?

 Mrs. Robinson: Benjamin. I am not trying to seduce you!
 Ben: I know that, but please, Mrs. Robinson. This is difficult."
 Mrs. Robinson: Would you like me to seduce you?
 Ben: What?
 Mrs. Robinson: Is that what you're trying to tell me?

 Midnight Cowboy (As Rico)

 Rico: I'm walking here! I'm walking here!

 Rico: I've been thinkin'. I hope we're not gonna have a lot of trouble about my name down there. Because, I mean, like what's the whole point of this trip anyway, you know?Joe: Keep your blankets on you.                                                                                          Rico: Can you see this guy runnin' around the beach all sun-tanned, and he's goin' in swimmin' like, and somebody yells 'Hey, Ratso!' What's that sound like to you?              Joe: It sounds like they knew ya.                                                                                         Rico: It sounds like crap, admit it. I'm Rico all the time, OK? We're gonna tell all these new people my name's Rico. OK?"                                                                                     Joe: OK.

 Rico: Faggot
 Jamie: Provolone.  
 Rico: Faggot!"

 Rico: Here I am goin' to Florida, my leg hurts, my butt hurts, my chest hurts, my facehurts, and if that ain't enough, I gotta pee all over myself. That's funny? I'm fallin' apart here...                                                                                                                    Joe: You just took a little rest stop that wasn't on the schedule.

 Rico: Hey, don't get a hernia, you know what I mean?

 Rico: I got his tounge hanging out!

 Rico: The two basic items necessary to sustain life are sunshine and coconut milk. Did you know that? That's a fact. In Florida, they got a terrific amount of coconut trees there. In fact, I think they even got 'em in the, uh, gas stations over there. And ladies? You know that in Miami, you got, uh, you listenin' to me? You got more ladies in Miami than in any resort area in the country there. I think per capita on a given day, there's probably, uh, three hundred of 'em on the beach. In fact, you can't even, uh, scratch yourself without gettin' a belly-button, uh, up the old kazoo there.

 Rico: Not bad, not bad for a cowboy. You're OK. You're OK.

 Rico: He was even dumber than you. He couldn't even write his whole name. "X," that's what it ought to say on that goddamn headstone, one big lousy "X." 

 - Why are you stealing food? 
 Rico: I was just, uh, noticing that you're out of salami. I think you oughtta have somebody go over to the delicatessen, you know, bring some more back.
 - You know, it's free. You don't have to steal it. 
 Rico: Well, if it's free, then I ain't stealin'

 Rico: Frankly, you're beginning to smell and for a stud in New York, that's a handicap.

 Rico: My old man spent fourteen hours a day down in that subway. He come home at night, two to three hours worth of change stained with shoe polish. Stupid bastard coughed his lungs out from breathin' in that wax all day. Even a faggot undertaker couldn't get his nails clean. They had to bury him with gloves on.

 Rico: You want the word on that brother-and-sister act, Hansel's a fag and Gretel's got the hots for herself, so who cares, right? Load up on the salami.

 Rico: Terrific shirt.

 Rico: Wackos, They're all wackos...

 Joe: Smells worse hot than it did cold.                                                                                Rico: All right, startin' tomorrow, you cook your own god-damn dinner. Or you get one of your rich Park Avenue ladies to cook for you in her penthouse.

 Little Big Man (As Jack)

 Jack: I am the sole white survivor of the battle of Little Big Horn.

 Jack: Uh, Mr. Hickock, how many men have you... gunned down?
 Wild Bill Hickock: I don't rightly remember. You? 
 Jack: Oh, about two dozen.
 Wild Bill Hickock: Is that a fact? 
 Jack: [voiceover] No, it wasn't a fact. In my gunfighter period, I was a terrible liar."

 Straw Dogs (As David)

 Henry: I don't know my way home. 
 David: That's okay. I don't either.

 David: You act like you're fourteen years old.                                                           Amy: I am fourteen years  old. 
 David: Wanna try for twelve? How about eight? I freak out for eight year olds.

 Papillon (As Louis)

 Louis: Blame is for God and and small childeren.

 Louis: A temptation resisted is a true measure of character.

 - I know you, you're Degas. You're a very intelligent man! 
 Louis: Thank you. I seem to be known in all the wrong places.

 Lenny (As Lenny)

 Lenny: Did you know that Eleanor Roosevelt gave Lou Gehrig the clap?

 Lenny: "Fuck you." Never understood that insult, because fucking someone is actually really pleasant. If we're trying to be mean, we should say "unfuck you!"

 Lenny: The information keeps the country strong! You need the deviate! Don't shut him up! You need that madman to stand up, tell you when you're blowing it! The harder you come down on him, the more you need him! Please! Don't take away my words!
They're just words! l'm not hurting anybody!

 All the President's Men (As Carl)

 Carl: Bob, listen, I think I've got something, I don't know what it is. But somewhere in this world there is a Kenneth H. Dahlberg, and we gotta get to him before the New York Times does, because I think they've got the same information.

 Carl: All these neat, little houses and all these nice, little streets... It's hard to believe that something's wrong with some of those little houses.         

 Marathon Man  (As Babe)

 Szell: -  Is it safe?... Is it safe? 
 Babe: You're talking to me?
 Szell: Is it safe? 
 Babe: Is what safe?
 Szell: Is it safe? 
 Babe: I don't know what you mean. I can't tell you something's safe or not, unless I know specifically what you're talking about.
 Szell: Is it safe? 
 Babe: Tell me what the "it" refers to. 
 Szell: Is it safe? 
 Babe: Yes, it's safe, it's very safe, it's so safe you wouldn't believe it.
 Szell: Is it safe? 
 Babe: It's not safe, it's... very dangerous, be careful.

 Elsa: Good night. 
 Babe: That's too bad. I could make you so happy. I'm smart as a whip; you won't meet   another thief like me in the library again. Come on; why don't you say you'll seeme, huh?
 Elsa: All right. I'll see you again. But it won't come to anything. 
 Babe: You can't tell.
 Elsa: Yes, I can.

 Szell: Well, what are you going to do now, shoot me? 
 Babe: No, I don't think so." 
 Szell: Then you're going to take these from me? If I could say a word about that... 
 Babe: No, you can keep them. You can keep as many as you can swallow."

 Szell: How could you forget to wear a tie? 
 Babe: I didn't forget it. Who wears a tie when they eat lunch?
 Szell: Well, at least his fly is buttoned! 

 Janeway: My name's Peter Janeway. But you can call me Janey, all of my friends do. 
 Babe: I'm not your friend.

 Kramer vs. Kramer (As Ted)

 Ted: Margaret, I just need to know something. Did you put Joanna up to this?
 Margaret: No, I did not put Joanna up to this. 
 Ted: Give her a little pep talk, maybe?
 Margaret: Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot of courage to walk out this door. 
 Ted: How much courage does it take to walk out on your kid?
                        
 Ted: You go right back and put that right back until you finish your dinner... I'm warning you, you take one bite out of that and you are in big trouble. Don't... Hey! Don't you dare... Don't you DARE do that. You hear me? Hold it right there! You put that ice cream in your mouth and you are in very, very, VERY big trouble. Don't you dare go anywhere beyond that... Put it down right now. I am not going to say it again. I am NOT going to say it AGAIN.
 Billy: [Billy eats ice cream] [Ted picks him up] Ow! You're hurting me! 
 Ted: OW! Don't you kick me!
 Billy: I hate you! 
 Ted: You're no bargain either, pal! You are a spoiled, rotten little brat and I'll tell you right now...
 Billy: I hate you! 
 Ted: And I hate you back, you little shit!
 Billy: I want my mommy! 
 Ted: I'm all you got.

 Ted: So the other morning, I'm at the refrigerator... you know, getting Billy ready for school. So I'm just in my underwear and he notices I've lost weight. And he comes in and pats me. He comes up to here and he says "Daddy, you've really lost a lot of weight", he looks up at me and he says "And it's all gone to your nose."  He was so cute. You know?

 Billy: When's mommy coming back?
 Ted: I dont know, Billy. Soon.
 Billy: How soon?
 Ted: Soon.
 Billy: Will she pick me up after school?
 Ted: Probably. And if she doesn't I will.
 Billy: What if you forget?
 Ted: I won't forget.
 Billy: What if you get run over by a truck and get killed?
 Ted: Then Mommy will pick you up.

 Tootsie (As Michael/Dorothy)

 Dorothy: Thank you, Gordon. Well, I cannot tell you all how deeply moved I am. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I would be the object of so much genuine affection. It makes it all the more difficult for me to say what I'm now going to say. Yes. I do feel it's time to set the record straight. You see, I didn't come here just as an administrator, Dr. Brewster; I came to this hospital to settle an old score. Now you all know that my father was a brilliant man; he built this hospital. What you don't know is that to his family, he was an unmerciful tyrant - a absolute dodo bird. He drove my mother, his wife, to - to drink; in fact, she - uh, she she she went riding one time and lost all her teeth. The son Edward became a recluse, and the oldest daughter - the pretty one, the charming one - became pregnant when she was fifteen years old and was driven out of the house. In fact, she was so terrified that she would, uh, that, uh, that, that, that the baby daughter would bear the stigma of illegitimacy that she, she - she decided to change her name and she contracted a disfiguring disease... after moving to Tangiers, which is where she raised the, the, the little girl as her sister. But her one ambition in life - besides the child's happiness - was to become a nurse, so she returned to the States and joined the staff right here at Southwest General. Well, she worked here, she knew she had to speak out wherever she saw injustice and inhumanity. God save us, you do understand that, don't you, Dr. Brewster?
 John:  I never laid a hand on her.
 Dorothy: Yes, you did. And she was shunned by all you nurses, too... and by a, what do you call it, what do you call it, a - something like a pariah, to you doctors who found her idealistic and reckless. But she was deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply loved by her brother. It was this brother who, on the day of her death, swore to the good Lord above that he would follow in her footsteps, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just owe it all up to her. But on her terms. As a woman. And just as proud to be a woman as she ever was. For I am not Emily Kimberly, the daughter of Dwayne and Alma Kimberly. No, I'm not. I'm Edward Kimberly, the recluse brother of my sister Anthea. Edward Kimberly, who has finally vindicated his sister's good name. I am Edward Kimberly. Edward Kimberly. And I'm not mentally ill, but proud, and lucky, and strong enough to be the woman that was the best part of my manhood. The best part of myself.

 Michael: Friends? 
Sandy: No, we are not friends. I don't take this shit from friends. Only lovers.

 Dorothy: What kind of mother would I be if I didn't give my girls tits... tips?

 Michael: You don't have to. She's right here. And she misses you. Look, you don't know me from Adam. But I was a better man with you, as a woman... than I ever was with a woman, as a man. You know what I mean? I just gotta learn to do it without the dress. At this point, there might be an advantage to my wearing pants. The hard part's over, you know? We were already... good friends.

 George: You are psychotic! 
 Michael: No, I'm not, I'm employed.

 George: Where do you come off sending me your roommate's play for you to star in? I'm your agent, not your mother! I'm not supposed to find plays for you to star in - I'm supposed to field offers! And that's what I do!
 Michael: 'Field offers?' Who told you that, the Agent Fairy? That was a significant piece of work - I could've been terrific in that part. 
 George: Michael, nobody's gonna do that play. 
 Michael: Why? 
 George: Because it's a downer, that's why. Because nobody wants to produce a play about a couple that moved back to Love Canal. 
 Michael: But that actually happened!
 George: WHO GIVES A SHIT? Nobody wants to pay twenty dollars to watch people living next to chemical waste! They can see that in New Jersey!

 Sandy: A guy named les is sending you flowers? 
 Michael: Yes. He's a friend of mine. He can't eat candy he's diebetic. 
 Sandy: Why is he thanking you for a lovely night in front of the fire. 
 Michael: My minds a blank. 
 Sandy: Micheal, are you gay? 
 Michael: In what sense?

 Michael: She thinks I'm gay, i told her about Julie and she thinks I'm gay! 
 George: Julie thinks your gay? 
 Michael: No, my friend Sandy. 
 George: Sleep with her, and she'll...
 Michael: I slept with her once she's still thinks I'm gay!
 George: Oh... thats no good, Michael.

 Michael: This is our first date, I just want to look pretty for her.

 Ishtar (As Chuck)

 Lyle: You didn't have to leave with me, now I've spoiled the night for you. 
 Chuck: You gotta give yourself a break! You've never been out with anyone but your wife. 
 Lyle: Yeah, but you gotta have the looks, Chuck. I mean, you walk into a place like that and girls just want ya, ya know, ya got that kinda face. Kinda mean lookin' but with character. And the way you walk, you can only do that with a small body! Didya ever hear of a big sports car? I mean, if I'd look like you... 
 Chuck: Oh, you so idealize me!

 Chuck: Take one sip at a time. That water has to last you about another 48 minutes. 
 Lyle: Why, what happens then? 
 Chuck: We run out of water.

 Chuck: Is this the oasis? 
 Lyle: Does this look like an oasis to you? 
 Chuck: Yeah, look at the birds. Are those vultures?
 Lyle: Yeah. 
 Chuck: You mean they're here on spec?

 Lyle: Chuck, this isn't really a good time to get depressed. 
 Chuck: You're right, I don't know what's wrong with me. 
 Lyle: Look at the upside: we're not livin' lives of quiet desperation.

 Lyle: What a smuck I was... 
 Chuck: Schmuck! It's not smuck. Schmuck! 
 Lyle: Smuck! 
 Chuck: Schmuck!
 Lyle: Sssssssssmuck! 
 Chuck: Say "ssshhhh" 
 Lyle: Ssshhhhhh. 
 Chuck: Now say "muck". 
 Lyle: Muck. 
 Chuck: Now say "ssshhh" and "muck" together real fast. 
 Lyle: Smuck! 
 Chuck: ...Closer. 
 Lyle: You really know the lingo.

 Chuck: Shit man, when you're on you're on.

 Rain Man (As Raymond)

 Raymond: I'm an excellent driver.

 Raymond: Of course you can't have pancakes without maple syrup.
 Charlie: You bet your butt. 
 Raymond: Bet your butt.

 Raymond: 97X, bam! The future of rock 'n' roll. 97X, bam! The future of rock 'n' roll."

 Raymond: Kmart sucks.

 Hook (As Hook)  

 Jack: Who is that, Captain? 
 Hook: It's Peter Pan. Has it been three days? 'Tis true, Peter, time does fly. And so do you, I see"

 Hook: You know you're not really Peter Pan, don't you? This is only a dream. When you wake up, you'll just be Peter Banning - a cold, selfish man who drinks too much, is obsessed with success, and runs and hides from his wife and children!

 Hook: Prepare to die, Peter Pan! 
 Peter: To die would be a grand adventure! 
 Hook: Death is the only adventure you have left!

 Hook: He'll crow. He'll fight. He'll fly. And then... he'll die.

 Hook: Where's the carpet, Smee?

 Peter: I remember you being a lot bigger. 
 Hook: To a ten year-old I'm huge."

 Hook: Oh, I hate being disappointed, Smee. And I hate living in this flawed body. And I hate living in Neverland. And I hate... I hate... I *hate* Peter Pan!

 Hook: What would the world be like without Captain Hook?

 Hook: Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have decided to cancel the war. Kill them. Kill them all.

 Hook: I hate, I hate, I hate Peter Pan!

 Hero (As Bernie)

 Bernie: Prisons are for tough guys... prisons are for guys who beat each other up, lift weights... fuck each other.

 Wag The Dog (As Stanley)

 Stan: It's okay, he's not dead. [gunshot] Uh, strike that.

 Stan: The President will be a hero. He brought peace.
 Conrad: But there was never a war. 
 Stan: All the greater accomplishment.

 Stan: This is NOTHING.

 Stan: When it's cooking, it's cooking.

 Stan: That's right. During the filming of 'The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,' three of the horsemen died two weeks before the ending of principle photography. This is nothing, this is nothing. This is... this is... this is act one- The War.

 Conrad: Stanley, don't do this. You're playing with your life here. 
 Stan: Fuck my life. I want the credit.

 Stan: This is the greatest work I've ever done in my life - because it's so honest.

 Stan: This is politics at its finest.

 Stan: As long as he gets his medications, he's fine.
 Winifred: What if he doesn't get them?
 Stan: He's not fine.

 Stan: No no no no no, fuck freedom.

 Sphere (As Norman)

 Harry: Are you a religious man, Norman?
 Norman: Atheist, but I'm flexible.

 Norman: I would be happy if Jerry had no emotions whatsoever. Because the thing of it is once you go down that road... here's Jerry, an emotional being cooped up for 300 years with no one to talk to... none of the socialization, the emotional growth that comes from contact with other emotional beings...
 Harry: So...?
 Norman: What happens if Jerry gets mad?

 Beth: Are you telling me that by Harry going into the Sphere, he now has the power to manifest his dreams, his fantasies.
 Norman: MANIFEST! MANIFEST! He made it happen. It's not that different from a child. A child imagines something that believes its real and its not there, but with Harry, He not only makes it real from himself, he makes real for all of us.

 Ted: Oxygen is a corrosive gas, in the same family as fluorine and chlorine - hydrochloric acid, hydrofluoric acid. That's why we're breathing helium down here, because oxygen at any level higher than 2.3 becomes toxic. 
 Norman: Can you run that by me again, Ted? I don't speak balloon.

 Beth: I wanted to thank you for saving my life. 
 Norman: ...An interesting life to save...

 Norman: Can I ask you something about this reflective surface? 
 Barnes: Yeah, it appears to be mercury, doesn't it? Except mercury is liquid at this temperature. 
 Norman: Oh, no. That's not what I'm talking about. What worries me is that it's reflecting everything but us.

 Moonlight Mile (As Ben)

 Ben: Those were gifts. 
 Jo Jo: "Grieving for Grownups"? 
 Ben: They're supposed to be helpful.
 Jo Jo: Please. THIS is helpful.

 Confidence (As King)

 King: Oh my God, you're beautiful.

 I Heart Huckabees (As Bernard)

 Bernard: Trust. 
 Albert: Fuck trust! 
 Bernard: You better stay away from Caterine, Albert, 'cause she's gonna lead you down the path of darkness.

 Bernard: There's no such thing as nothing.

 Bernard: When you get the blanket thing you can relax because everything you could ever want or be you already have and are.

 Bernard: There is no remainder in the mathematics of infinity.

 Bernard: Say this blanket represents all the matter and energy in the universe, okay? This is me, this is you, And over here, this is the Eiffel Tower, right, it's Paris!"

 Bernard: If you look close enough you can't tell where my nose ends and space begins.

 Bernard: Give me the teddy!!!

 Meet The Fockers (As Bernie)

 Bernie: Dina, you and I will take on Jack and Roz. Come on, Jack, it'll be fun - we'll swap wives.

 Bernie:  Can you believe I fathered him with just one testicle? Imagine how he would have turned out if I had had two.

 Bernie: If its yellow let it mellow, if its brown flush it down... Oops, looks like I forgot my own rule.

 Bernie: This is capoeira, man. This is some hardcore shit.

 Bernie: Hello, you've reached the Fockers. We're not around, so leave us a message. Goodbye. Roz, how the hell do you shut this thing off? 
 Roz: I have no idea. Just press a button. 
 Bernie: All right, I'm pretty sure it's off. Honey, you want a chimichanga?
 Rox: I thought they give you gas. 
 Bernie: A little bit, but it's worth it.
 Roz: Yeah, worth it for you, but I'm the one that gets the fumes. 
 Bernie: Honey, I'm in the mood for a chimichanga!
 Roz: So make a chimichang...

 Bernie: You weren't around in the '60's! This is how we got things done!"

 Bernie: You fockerized them! 
 Roz: Yeah! 
 Bernie: I'm gonna fockerize you!

 Bernie: There's my brother from another mother!"

 Bernie: You're going down, Byrnsie Boy! I'm gonna rearrange your bouquet!

 Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (As Mr. Magorium)

 Molly: Mr. Magorian, I asked the big book for a lollipop and I got a lemur!
 Mr. Magorium: A lemur? We don't even carry lemurs! I'm not even sure I know what a lemur is! Wait, is that that small primate-looking thing?

 Mr. Magorium: I fell so completely in love with these shoes, I bought enough pairs to last my whole lifetime. This is my last pair.

 Mr. Magorium: I've hired an accountant.
 Molly: A what?
 Mr. Magorium: An accountant. According to the word, it must be a cross between a counter and a mutant and that may be precisely what we need.

 Henry: How can a store throw a temper tantrum?
 Mr. Magorium: It's a magical toystore, it can do all sorts of things.

 Mr. Magorium: When King Lear dies in Act V, do you know what Shakespeare has written? He's written "He dies." That's all, nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is "He dies." It takes Shakespeare, a genius, to come up with "He dies." And yet every time I read those two words, I find myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. And I know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "He dies." but because of the life we saw prior to the words.
I've lived all five of my acts, Mahoney, and I am not asking you to be happy that I must go. I'm only asking that you turn the page, continue reading... and let the next story begin. And if anyone asks what became of me, you relate my life in all its wonder, and end it with a simple and modest "He died."
 Molly: I love you.
 Mr. Magorium: I love you, too. Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.

 Mr. Magorium: We must face tomorrow, whatever it may hold, with determination, joy and bravery

Last Chance Harvey (As Harvey)

 Harvey: I'm gonna dance your socks off!

 Harvey: Put my score up first.
 Johnnie: They don't want to hear it, Harvey.
 Harvey: I know, but I want to hear it. Put it up.
 Jonnie:  I'm backed up already, Harvey.
 Harvey: Johnnie, you were the one that was late. Just put it up.

 Harvey:  Why don't you ask me those questions?
 Kate: Which ones?
 Harvey: You know, from the airport. When I wouldn't stop.
 Kate: Oh, the questionnaire. Ok. Name?           
 Harvey: Harvey Shine.
 Kate: Place of residence?
 Harvey: I'm in transition.          

 Kate: So how's this going to work, Mr Shine?
 Harvey: I have absolutely no idea...But it will. I promise you that.

 Kate: Mum, I love you, but not now.
 Harvey: Should I take that as a hopeful sign? If you just give me a little wider smile.
 Kate: Oh, shut up, Harvey.

 Jean: Go easy Harvey.
 Harvey: Why, Jean? Are you worried iI'm going to embarrass you again?

 Harvey: I missed my flight. I lost my job. And my daughter who got married in London today asked her step father rather than me to give her away.

 Kate: Hey.
 Harvey: Hey.                                                                                                                        Kate: You're still here - still in London...
 Harvey: YeahKate, I just wanted to apologise and explain...
 Kate: No, you don't have to - explain - it's fine -
Harvey: No, but I do -
 Kate: I don't need to hear - it's fine,seriously.
 Harvey: But I want to... I had to go to Hospital.
 Kate: Oh, God! Why?!
 Harvey:   No, it's nothing, I'm fine, I just forgot to take my pills. I have this condition, I've had it since I was a kid - it's an irregular heart- beat sort of thing.       
 Kate: Arrythmia.     
 Harvey: Yes! How do you know what it is?
 Kate: My...My father has it.
 Harvey: Well, young men get it too.